


if heart ache was a physical pain (i could face it)

by okaytlyn



Series: jisoos christ!! [1]
Category: Day6 (Band), Lovelyz, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, F/M, delivery guy au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-04-23 10:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4872703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaytlyn/pseuds/okaytlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>seo jisoo's life and career is in shambles for something she did not do; and now, she's stuck in a limbo of condemnation and anonymity. somewhere between finding a job for survival and hiding from society, joshua hong happens. </p><p>and when joshua sends an order for fried dumplings to the Seventeen dorm in the middle of the night, he doesn't actually expect to fall for the delivery girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. they say that time heals everything

**Author's Note:**

> [the AU where jisoo meets jisoo on the pretense of unwanted circumstances and forge friendships and more despite that fact that they've both slipped unfortunately into the idol life]
> 
> so this is a rare!pair!!!! also #justiceforseojisoo2k15 
> 
> also on aff: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1008799/if-heart-ache-was-a-physical-pain-i-could-face-it-angst-humor-jisoo-seventeen-joshua-lovelyz-seojisoo

it's been months since the case was closed.

her accusers were charged with fines; there were media statements to clear it all up.

but jisoo is still scared.

scared, to open up her sns to await the still-present stream of anti-comments. scared, to be around whenever her members film dance practices, variety shows or vlogs. scared, that even though she's been proven innocent, no one would see her in the same way.

 

and so she waits.

and waits.

she's been waiting for too damn long. she dances with them, practices with them, but she spends her days locked away in an ivory tower while the rest of lovelyz hit the stage. she watches the clock tick as she types away into her laptop, shut in her dorm. 

jisoo only goes out at night, with myungsoo's old oversized sweater and a face mask that almost covers her nose. jisoo breathes in fresh air when it's midnight, and sees sunshine through four walls and glass windows. her company's alright. really. lee jungyeop sajangnim's been more than understanding. the infinite oppas are great. awesome. it's just; she's scared, and she's scarred. scars don't heal that fast.

 

she should  _know_  that it's already good enough that she wasn't kicked out of lovelyz back then.

 

still, her chest twists painfully in her chest, a mixture of pride and sorrow, when she goes over clips of her members doing so well on music and variety shows. as  _seven._

 

jisoo makes it a point to work excessively hard. nobody in this company wants to debut (again) as much as she does. the dance studio is littered with her trinkets, and where members practice twice a week, she does it everyday. she hopes her haters would see her effort, but then again, it's not that easy to change peoples' minds - especially when the same people still harass her when she's been proven to be innocent. jisoo wanders around the company sometimes, ending up at the producing studios and watching as people put songs together. 

they work tirelessly at the desk to produce something that they'll never sing, to write lyrics they'll never articulate.  _but they get paid for it, at least._

 

 

two months in, and seo jisoo is restless.

in those two months, she's picked up the guitar and perfected the cahon, she's learnt all of lovelyz's dances and even choreographed. a little. she's written over 46 songs, of which 19 of them range from semi-depressing to  _angry suicidal thoughts._  but the rest are pretty much public-friendly enough.

the thing is, these two months aren't "paid-leaves". she needs money. This sucks a lot for her, because this means  _public interaction._

( _she sure as hell isn’t ready for that._ )

Jiyeon doesn’t mind lending her money. Jiyeon is nice, Jiyeon is great, and she’s always embraced Jisoo as an equal part of Lovelyz. Still, what Jisoo  _hates_  is being a burden. And that’s what she was when they were fresh into the debut stage. She doesn’t want to be that anymore.

 

Jisoo begins to steal Sunggyu-oppa’s newspapers and cut snippets from the Job Ads section. However, nothing calls out. She cuts back on money by not visiting the psychiatrist  _or_  the hospital for mental post-trauma sessions, eating cup noodles and selling her clothes on Carousell from anonymous accounts.

Still, it’s not really working out.

The stress is getting to her, and Jisoo decides that she’ll go for another midnight escapade tonight. To let off steam, and to breathe in sweet carbon dioxide from resting trees and carbon monoxide from lone cars speeding across towns. Anything is better than staying in the company, between a rock and a hard place.

 

Seoul at night is probably a lot more interesting than in the day. When the hustle and bustle of the day that screams for attention in from every direction is gone, displaced, shut off, there’s so much more to notice.

Neon lights hang over shophouses and buildings, and advertisements go through playback after playback on the surface of shopping centres. And then there’s always the 24-hour McDonalds, which is cool and awesome and all sorts of almighty.

It’s somewhat chilly tonight, and Jisoo tugs the sweater closer around her frame. She walks along the pavement of the Han River, glancing at abandoned basketball courts and empty park benches. It’s 2 am. Great.

When she turns at a blind corner, there’s a sudden cry of “SHIT” in English and before she knows it, she’s collided head on with a cyclist.

She falls hard. Not in love, of course. But on her elbows. The face mask that had formerly dangled from her ears is lying somewhere on the road, and her hood is off her head. Jisoo doesn’t realize this yet. Pain explodes from her left elbow as she lays squirming on the ground.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” The cyclist says, now in Korean. He’s clearly wincing, and it occurs belatedly to Jisoo that  _oh, I think his knee might have been injured._ It’s hard to make out his facial features in the poor lighting of uh, one lamppost per 20 metres of pavement. He leans over Jisoo, his face uncomfortably close as he kneels beside her.

“I’m okay! I’m okay! Go away!”

She attempts to shift out of position and there’s an unpleasant crack of joints in her elbow. It’s loud enough for the stranger to hear, and it almost mocks her previous claim of being alright. She isn’t alright at all.

“Is it dislocated? Holy sh-”

“Let go of my arm!”

The guy panics, and finally blurts out in English, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain are you in?”

Jisoo understands it, a little. She takes advantage of his moment of frazzled worry and gets up from her position.

“I don’t know, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you think you’re helping?” Jisoo screams back, picks up her face mask and runs.

And runs, and runs. She swears she hears the guy holler “GET IT TREATED! I’M SO SORRY!” as his figure gets smaller and smaller in her peripheral vision. She keeps running, until she gets tired and stumbles into a small 24-hour outlet. It’s a food outlet, she supposes, judging by the heavenly smell of something frying wafting from the inner kitchen.

_That was so close. I didn’t even have my hood or my mask on. This is probably my first encounter with a stranger after the incident, and look at how well I fucked up._

There aren’t any tables. Or chairs. But there is a poster on the wall that highly intrigues her.

“DONGYANG DELIVERIES IS EXPANDING ITS NETWORK AND IMPROVING ITS 24-HOUR SERVICES. WE ARE IN NEED OF MIDNIGHT DELIVERY WORKERS.

HIRING: NIGHT DELIVERY SERVICE

SHIFT: 11PM – 5AM

WALK-IN INTERVIEWS ON 26-5-2015, 2PM – 5PM”

_Dongyang Deliveries… isn’t that the fast fried food franchise? The one that the Infinite members always order from._

Jisoo takes a pamphlet from the stand below the poster. The interviews are tomorrow.

_I need a job… and it’s a midnight food delivery job. Which means that people don’t have to see me much. I mean, how many people order food from 11pm to 5am anyway?_

It’s past 2 am, but she can hear the constant sizzle of food and the clang of ladles against woks from the back kitchen. There are people… talking. Laughing.

Jisoo peeks in and watches as a team of around 6 people work in a systematic chain in the four walls of a pristine kitchen. It’s efficient and  _crazily_ fast. A person chops vegetables at the end of the kitchen and he hands it all to an ahjumma that cleans and preps it for cooking. The rest of them man mass air-fryers, saute pans and steaming pots of kimchi soup. At the end of the line, a girl frantically packs food into bento boxes and Styrofoam bowls with covers. And piles them neatly in the signature orange plastic bags with the Dongyang Deliveries icon on them.

The glass of the front door jingles as a guy stumbles in tiredly and takes off his motorcycle helmet. He doesn’t even acknowledge Jisoo’s presence as he rushes straight into the kitchen, only stopping briefly to shoo Jisoo away from the entrance.

“MINWOO! What took you so long? We’ve got piles of orders. I’ve texted you the addresses already,” a cook from the kitchen scolds the motorcyclist as he shoves him 6 bags filled with boxes of food.

“Hyung, you know it isn’t easy. I’m literally the only delivery guy in the only Dongyang shop in this district.”

The ahjumma puts vegetables into a boiling pot of soup and walks towards the door. “It’s okay, kid. Tomorrow we’re hiring people to help you. It’s not going to be so tough from then on.”

“I’m not getting paid enough for this,” the delivery guy huffs as he shoves the food into the back box of his motorcycle.

It’s only then, when they realise Jisoo’s presence in their shop.

“Uh, hello? Are you here to place a night order?”

It’s 2:45 am.

Jisoo doesn’t know what to do as they eye her from head to toe. Everything she’s wearing is uh, black. Her face mask covers more than half her face.  _I look like a terrorist._

She shakes her head and points to the pamphlet.

“So you’re interested in the night shift? Interviews are tomorrow, so please come! It’s really easy, okay. You  _have_  to come. We need people here, man.”

Jisoo nods her head dumbly. She makes an “I need to go now” action with her hands and dashes out of the shop at lightning speed.

 _This… this is too much public interaction in one night._ Her elbow is hurting more than ever, and her legs are sore from all the  _running away_  she’s done. The joint between her forearm and upper arm is at an extremely awkward position, and there’s the sickening feeling of it just  _hanging._

_Shit, it’s probably dislocated. What is this fuckery._

Jisoo takes the midnight bus back to the dorm and gets in dispiritedly. Setbacks, disasters, those things seem to be addicted to her. They happen at every turn.

_This isn’t fair._

The nearest 24-hour clinic facilities are all probably highly expensive. The private hospital near her dorm is practically a money-sucking machine on a building scale.

 

After like, 2 months of being an idol, Seo Jisoo is falsely accused of rape, being a criminal lesbian and subjected to her own personal hell and exile. And she needs money. And she dislocates her arm.

Then again, she’s a fighter. Although she mutters “fuck this shit I’m out” to the tune of Dr. Dre’s the Next Episode, but Jisoo isn’t going to back down.  _At least there’s a job I found today that calls out. There’s no way that I’m missing tomorrow’s interview,_ she thinks and forces herself to see things positively as she cradles her agonizing elbow at the back of the bus.

____________

A limping figure stumbles into the Seventeen dorm at ass o’ clock in the morning. Minghao is a light sleeper, and so when the door creaks open, he scrambles down from the double decker bed.

“Jisoo?” He whispers as he tries to make him out in the poor lighting. “did you go cycling again?”

Jisoo throws himself onto the sofa and yelps when his gaping, bleeding knee abrasion brushes roughly against its coarse fabric.

 “Oh man, did you get injured?” Minghao frets as he runs to the kitchen for the first aid kit.

“It’s just a scrape. From the road. It’ll be fine!”

Minghao applies disinfectant and gauze frantically over the wound. “Did you bang into something?”

Jisoo hangs his head guiltily. “Somebody.”

“What?! Another cyclist?”

“A girl. A pedestrian.”

“Goddammit, this is why we tell you to use headlights when you go out at night for emo night-cycling, gosh. Is she hurt?”

Jisoo cradles his head in his hands. “Dude, I screwed up. I think her arm’s dislocated.”

“How do you know?”

“I took first aid classes when I was in LA. I could  _feel_  it.”

The rustling of clothes and the squeak of chairs across the wooden parquet floor wakes their leader Seungcheol up, and he steps blearily into the corridor, overhearing Minghao and Jisoo’s grave conversation.

“-but Jisoo! Did she recognize you?”

Minghao turns around, surprised. “Hyung, you’re awake?”

“I don’t think she knows who I am,” Jisoo ponders. “It was kinda dark. But I feel so bad, oh my god.”

Seungcheol stares at the down-trodded boy. He doesn’t know what to do with a Joshua Hong that  _isn’t_  smiling.

“Well at least you won’t get anti-articles? I mean because it was a pretty shitty thing to happen but-”

Minghao and Jisoo both turn around at the same time. “HYUNG!”

Seungcheol isn’t good at comforting people. Really.

 

 

 

 

Later at night, Jisoo tosses and turns in his bed. Oh, how it sucks to be plagued by his conscience.

“Joshua-hyung, do ya think you’d see her again?” Minghao whispers in the dark as he hangs his head from the top bunk bed to see Jisoo.

“I don’t think so…”

“What was she doing out there at night anyway?” Minghao wonders aloud. “Anyway, please get some sleep, hyung. You have morning vocal practice, don’t you?”

Jisoo rustles in his sheets, still clearly troubled.

“I know you want to make it up, but it’s unlikely, okay? If you’re meant to find her again, you will. A twist of f8. Or something.”

Jisoo nods dumbly. Minghao tries to reassure him with the “ok” sign and goes back to sleep.

 

Jisoo doesn’t. 


	2. but they don't know you (and the scars you bring)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisoo needs to find some kind of work-life balance, she soon realizes, as she speeds through the night on a motorcycle with joshua hong breathing down her neck.

The air-conditioning hits her in the face as she steps in, followed by the usual jingle of the door.

“Hi, are you here for the delivery jo-“ a man in a black and orange apron who Jisoo recognizes as Minwoo, last night’s delivery man, greets her but reels back for a moment.

He examines her yet appearance with mild curiosity – her elbow is in a makeshift sling from tying Jiae’s exercise band around her, and she dons a black sweater with loud English lyrics on the back; “IF YOU AIN’T TALKIN’ MONEY, I DON’T WANNA TALK” and face mask  _and_ a snapback with a cheesy “¥O!” on the front.  

“You… you do know this is for a night delivery job, right?”

Jisoo nods fervently.

“So you’re not here to bomb this place? Or for a SMTM5 audition?” Minwoo asks as he peers at the rap lyrics on her sweater. “And you’re not here for  _dollarz and gold chainz?_ ”

“I came here to work… so I don’t need  _gold chainz_  but I sure hope I’ll be paid some  _dollarz._ ”

She catches him staring.

“I know, I look like a fashion terrorist.”

“Nah, just a terrorist,” Minwoo says as he directs her to the back kitchen. “But it’s okay. As long as you don’t bomb the houses you deliver jajangmyun to, it should be fine.”

“I’m Minwoo by the way. You know, you look kinda familiar. I swear I saw someone like you recently…”

“I was here last night! Complete with a dislocated elbow and uh, terrorist outfit. ”

Minwoo stares at her weirdly. “Oh… but why were you at this shop anyway?”

Jisoo panics internally, but she guesses she’s pretty good at smoking.

“You see, I have a great passion for night jobs like these. So I went down to check it out, feel the atmosphere and confirm the interview timings, et cetera. I even observed how the night kitchen works, it’s really systematic.”

She almost can’t believe she had pulled that off as she stares at Minwoo’s impressed face.

“I even saw you come in and collect the food orders. It’s a very hectic job, I must say. I really hope that by hiring me, I’ll help you lighten that burden.”

Minwoo gapes in awe.

“Kwangmin-hyung! cAN WE LIKE, HIRE THIS GIRL NOW???” he calls out to the highly efficient sous chef at the back. “SOMEBODY FINALLY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN! AND SHE’S PRETTY!”

“Yah, how would  _you_  know? I haven’t even taken off the face mask.”

“Then take it off!”

“Hell no.”

Kwangmin emerges from the kitchen to hand her a job application form to fill up and when she’s done, they look over her info briefly.

“You’re called Jisoo…” Minwoo scratches his head. “You know, I think there was a scandal about some girl group idol with the same name… they accused her of some really fucked up shit-”

“-And did you believe it?” Jisoo quickly interrupts.

“Well the last I heard, the rumors got cleared up, but she still doesn’t get to promote with the group.”

“EXACTLY. That sucks like hell. Imagine all of those days spent in loneliness, those nights spent crying my-herself to sleep…”

Minwoo gives her a weird look.

“-Anyway, when does my job start?”

 

“Tonight.”

___________________

Jisoo changes her sleep cycle; she now works from 11pm to 5am, sleeps from 6am to 10 am and wakes up to dance practice and vocal practice and guitar playing with her good arm. Rinse and repeat. It’s been pretty draining for her, and the stress that delivery work has put on her elbow is unmeasurable. It’s worse now. But hey, at least she has a job. And she never needs to go to bed without dinner.

She makes a list of what she’ll do when her first pay check comes; the first thing on the list is probably a visit to the doctor for her elbow, and then some good, heavenly samgyeopsal. Maybe she’ll treat Jiyeon, Minwoo, Sunggyu and Myongeun. Maybe, if she has enough cash. And then, some new dance shoes would be nice. Also, a new stash of cup ramyun would be great so that she doesn’t need to go hungry when she doesn’t have enough lunch money. The list is non-exhaustive.

One thing Jisoo doesn’t want to restore are her visits to the psychiatrist. Not only are those, along with the heavy pill dosage, a large waste of money, but sometimes, it leaves her more emotionally drained than before. Working at Dongyang has proven to be an even better treatment method.

The amazing thing is, Minwoo, on one of those nights where they were delivering together, kind of found out that she was  _yes, the same Seo Jisoo that was accused of raping girls and being a lesbian_  and he’d literally treated her the same.

_“But all that shit was fake, right?” He’d asked. She had nodded frantically._

_“Ah, you must have had a hard time. What’s an idol doing in a job like this?”_

_“I… I need money.”_

_The kid had slung his arm around her neck without any constraints, any disgust. “Yeah, I kind of figured out you were that girl group girl. You know, that backpack that you carry? Yeah, it says WOOLLIM ENT on the front. ”_

_Jisoo had facepalmed at her stupidity, and he had shook his head sagely. “The lust for money often leads to desperate foolishness.”_

 

It’s a tough job, but it’s encouraging. She still doesn’t have the courage to go out without a face mask, but she isn’t scared of daylight or busy streets anymore. She’s also discovered her hidden talent of exceptional public service and winning over the hearts of night shift security guard ahjussis and guys burning midnight oil from university dorms alike.  _I’m actually good at this; I should have totally done this in junior high instead of uh, being a community librarian. Ew._

There are a  _lot_  more people than she had expected that order food deep into the night.

Her next delivery address is surprisingly close to her dorm. She carries the plastic bag of food as she leans against the cool metal walls of the lift. The guy had sent an e-order for fried Shandong style dumplings. Which is her absolute favourite, and she tries very hard not to succumb to the heavenly smell wafting from the bag when she waits outside this customer’s door.

There’s the sound of a guitar playing and muffled singing. When she rings the bell for the third time, she hears frantic footsteps bound down the corridor.

The door swings open. A cute guy with blond-ish silvery hair stands at the door frame. “Hi… what are here for?”

There’s a slight accent to his voice. Jisoo is very confused. “Didn’t you send an order for fried Shandong dumplings from Dongyang Deliveries?”

“Oooh, you have them? I don’t know who ordered it but I’ll pay for that ish!” The guy says with a blinding smile for 1 am at night, racking his pockets to find change. There’s a desperate cry of “MINGHAO DON’T TOUCH MY DUMPLINGS” in English from one of the rooms.

_That voice is kind of familiar, huh._

She jokingly hands the “Minghao” guy the bag of dumplings but gestures that she’ll wait for the customer to come to the door first. Meanwhile, Jisoo nurses her elbow in the makeshift sling; now that she doesn’t need to carry the food bag. It’s been 2 weeks, and although,  _with a lot of excruciating pain,_ Minwoo had roughly popped it back in its place, it still hurts like crazy. Maybe something is broken; who knows.

As she waits for the guy to come to the door, she notices that this is probably a dorm. For a lot of people. There’s like, fifty pairs of shoes in the glass cabinets, and they all have different sizes.  Also, the bicycle beside the door looks  _insanely_  familiar; is that neon orange arrow design common in Seoul or-

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting, please don’t mind Minghao’s hungry presence. I’m the one with the cash-”

_“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”_

Jisoo gapes at the customer. Of course, he doesn’t see that because of the mask over her mouth.

_“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain are you in?”_

Jisoo hates accusing people of things they’ve never done. It feels like shit – she would know. But it’s her gut instinct that’s telling her that she’s right about this.

“Excuse me sir, but if I’m injured, what would you ask me? In English.”

Minghao stares at this exchange weirdly from the sofa area. The other guy’s eyes widen.

“In English?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh, on a scale of 1 to 10…” he begins, and he notices her injured elbow. “Wait. Shit.”

Recognition floods his eyes. “We… we had a hit and run, didn’t we?”

“Hit and run?”

He hangs his head in guilt. “I hit, you ran.”

“So you  _were_  that cyclist.” Jisoo says in ascending tone. She’s prepared to rain down hell and tribulation on the guy. “You’re the one that goes around town without lights and knocked me down at 2am.”

“I’m a horrible asshole,” he sighs. “I’m sorry. Aside from being sorry, the name’s Jisoo.”

Jisoo stares in surprise. “How do you know my name? What the hell, I’m wearing a mask! And a cap!”

“ _Your_  name? No, I was talking about my name! I’m Hong Jisoo!”

“Who  _are_ you even?”

“I’m Jisoo! Joshua Hong! From Sevent-”

“For God’s sake hyung,” Minghao hisses as he watches late night television on the sofa, “We’re not supposed to reveal our names!”

“Wait, you’re also called Jisoo?”

Both Jisoo(s) stand opposite each other, equally confused.

“Well,” Seo Jisoo scratches her head. “This is awkward.”

She accepts the payment robotically. “So you’re the guy that pops up on Naver every time I try to search for my name?”

“Pretty much. Wait, why would you search your name, are you a celebrit-”

Alarm bells sound in Seo Jisoo’s mind.  _Oh my god, he must never know why._

She shoves the change to him and once again, runs away.

Hong Jisoo stands at the door in shock as he watches her figure get smaller and smaller.  _Why is she always running away? Am I that intimidating?_

 

 

After dance practice the next day, it’s past twelve and Jisoo, being the wonderful hyung he is, offers to get supper.

No really, he’s on a mission. He can’t believe she slipped through his fingers just  _like that._ It frustrates him to the core.

Jisoo finds himself in the Dongyang Deliveries shop, leaning against the counter.

“Are you here to make a night order?”

“Yeah, can I have a 30-piece fried chicken combo?” Jisoo says, a snapback covering most of his face.

“Anything else?”

 “Uh… do you happen to have a night delivery employee, called Jisoo?”

The guy behind the counter, whose nametag says “Kwangmin”, peers at him curiously. “Why?”

“We have… unfinished business. Could I take a look at her profile, by the way?”

“I’m afraid that’s private, sir.”

“Well that’s alright,” Joshua says cheerily as he leans against the walls, box of chicken in hand. “When is she coming back for the next delivery?”

Kwangmin stares at him with wide eyes. “Are you actually going to wait for her to come back?”

“Yeah.” Joshua hums the opening of IDFWU and smiles serenely.

“You sure? You’ll probably have to wait another 10 minutes, she’s on her motorcycle, on her way back from Hongdae. You her boyfriend or something?”

Joshua shakes his head. “I’ve got red on my ledger, I’d like to wipe it out.”

 

 

When Jisoo takes off her motorcycle helmet and walks into the shop, she doesn’t expect to come face to face with the idol guy who screwed her elbow over.

“Joshua what-” she begins, highly confused.

He grabs her good arm and puts on her helmet, dragging them outside and sitting on the Dongyang Deliveries motorcycle.

“Come on, let’s get your arm fixed!”

 

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Jisoo screams as she rides pillion, her fingers curling painfully into his jacket. “I’M STILL WORKING! DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE, IDOL BOY?”

“AN AMERICAN ONE,” Joshua shouts into the wind.

“WHERE YOU GONNA FIND A CLINIC? IT’S 12:30 AM!”

“NEAR MY DORM!”

“It’s expensive!” Jisoo hisses. Joshua does a sharp right turn, and Jisoo sees it as him trying to spite her.  _This little shit-_

“You’ve been delaying treatment for too long! What if it gets infected? What if it becomes a chronic problem later in your life?”

“Then it’d be your fault!”

“That’s why we’re here, don’t protest!”

 

They sit in awkward silence as the only two people in the clinic, watching the television replay health ads over and over again.

“So like,” Joshua leans over, “have you heard of Seventeen?”

“Yeah. They’re all pretty cool. Except for one,” Jisoo says dismissively.

“WHO? All my members are awesome okay, fight me! I dare you!”

The nurse gives Joshua a look of warning.

“Ah, let me see, his name starts with J…”

“Junhui? Jeonghan? They’re both wonderful okay-”

“Joshua. I’m talking about you.”

 

“Oh.”

Their conversation is interrupted by the nurse. “The doctor is ready to see you, Miss Seo Jisoo.”

 

 

The doctor chides her for delaying an appointment for so long, especially since she had her elbow popped back in after like, 3 days. Joshua offers to pay. Jisoo thinks he’d better.

 

“Isn’t it dangerous for you though? To be out here and being next to a girl and being an idol,” Jisoo says as they ride the motorcycle to his dorm to drop him and the fried chicken.

“Aren’t you an idol too?”

Her breath catches in her throat. 

“I just. I just deliver food.”

“You’re Seo Jisoo, and you’re in Lovelyz, right?”

Her hands tighten around the motorcycle handles, and his hands tighten around her waist.

“I’ve been reading up. It’s hard not to, when your face appears every time I search for my name,” He says. Jisoo looks straight at the road ahead.

“Netizens are horrible,” he says when she doesn’t respond.

“That’s probably the most accurate thing you’ve said all night.”

“So that’s who you are, huh?”

“Correction: I’m Seo Jisoo, but I’m not the person they accuse me to be like.”

“So why are you working a nightjob? Did Woollim kick you out?” Joshua asks, concern laced in his voice. It’s hard to concentrate when a stranger, who’s also an idol, who’s also a customer, and who also just took her to the hospital, is hugging her tummy and breathing down her neck.

“Firstly, I need cash. Secondly, they didn’t really kick me out. It’s sort of uh, an in-house exile.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong, did you?”

“Nope. I didn’t choose the thug life-” she begins, and Joshua attempts to finish her sentence.

“-But the thug life chose you?”

“The thug life propelled me into a world of rumors and much ado about crockshit that I didn’t ask for. Like a whirlwind. In a snap, my life was over. Something like that.”

She stops the bike next to the parking area beside the dorm.  “You shouldn’t be seen with someone like me. I’m sorry. It’s going to taint your image and stuff.” Jisoo unloads the fried chicken and hands it to him.

“Taint my image? I’m just relieved I could make it up to you, although this is kind of shitty.”

“Well. I’ll have to get back on my job then. Please refrain from telling this world about this.”

She starts up the engine and messages Kwangmin that she’s sorry for her midnight adventure and she’ll serve overtime.

Joshua suddenly runs back. “Can I have your number?”  

“Are you hitting on me? After hitting me two weeks ago?”

 

Joshua snatches her phone and dials in a number anyway. He calls it, and before Jisoo can screech at him for wasting money on phonecalls, Joshua has already skipped victoriously into the dorm building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i love them you can't imagine


	3. i'd erase my thoughts; if only i knew how [INTERLUDE]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seo jisoo overworked herself, and now she's stuck in a lame-ass budget hospital. great. somehow, joshua is the first and only person she sees when she wakes up. and joshua's heart now clenches for reasons unknown.

Joshua didn’t expect it to be any more than a meeting for his, in a way, atonement of sin. He’d broken her arm, and now she’s taking on a heavily strenuous job. And Jisoo is hovering between the lines of a shunned outcast and an idol that used to be. He should be sorry. He is sorry. The remorse had plagued him for weeks.

So when he had finally met her, finally done something about it, his heart should have been at peace.

_Should have._

He wonders what he’s doing now, what’s wrong with him, as he stares at and scrolls through his phone with a dopey smile on his face.

 

_CONTACT: JISOO NO.2                                                                     ONLINE_

 

_im composing now~ wyd??_

_its been 2 wks bruh i forgive u_

_y do u keep texting me_

_…_

_still. wyd?_

_y must u do dis 2 me_

_ur a shiny new idol u shouldn’t keep talking to me im trash_

_no im a shining diamond_

_no you aren’t_

_I like talking to u_

_it’s 6am y r u awake even_

_told u im composing_

_thinking about life? People?_

_lol what r ur lyrics abt_

_Hope? I mostly arrange haha. just came up with a new guitar melody._

_wanna hear?_

_okay_

[Audio File: Sent!]

_it’s actually pretty good_

_really? i think it’s kind of bland on its own though. not long enough for a legit song._

_you’re talented, jisoo_

_hah this feels weird_

_“jisoo”_

_guess the joke never gets old, huh._

_“Hello jisoo”_

_“You look good today, jisoo.”_

_“how u doin jisoo”_

_“I’m fine, jisoo”_

 

_“I really like you, jisoo”_

 

 

Jisoo doesn’t respond for awhile. He panics a little. And then a lot. He doesn’t know why he had sent that, why he had typed that, why he had thought of that in the first place. Where did even that come from?

He scrambles for the keyboard function and types in a reply to save his sorry ass.

_as in_

_this is me complimenting myself_

_ya know_

_uh-huh_

_it’s a joke, jisoo_

_haha_

 

He doesn’t know what to type after that. Their conversation doesn’t go any further. It’s 6am, and although tomorrow’s a late schedule day, he should really sleep.

But as Joshua rests against the headboard, his back sinking into the mattress and his eyes shut but with his mind running wild, he knows he cannot. The moon is in its dying phases of its allotted screen time in the night sky, and Joshua is so, impossibly awake.

 

 

 

 

Nowadays, he’s lost count of those nights, filled with thinking about the unfairness of things, of make-believe sequences and conversations he wishes would take place.

Nowadays, when he strums on his guitar, when he runs his fingers over strings and traces his pen over paper, he’s stopped  _stopping_  himself in his track. He’s stopped taking steps back and wondering how he’s become like this. He’s stopped trying to question why he’s always thinking of one person in particular.

He wonders if she’s okay sometimes. If she ever hurts her arm while carrying bags of fried pork and soup containers. If she’s safe on the road; if she’s cold at night when the rain falls. Did she bring a raincoat? Is she speeding? Does she ever sleep enough?

Joshua wonders a lot about Jisoo.

Sometimes too much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After two months of toiling from midnight to the ass crack of dawn, after two glorious paychecks and after crawling through life with approximately 3 hours of sleep everyday, Seo Jisoo crashes.

It happens in the middle of one of those rare joint group practices – those that she would dance with the rest of Lovelyz and those that would make her heart swell because they’re still preparing for her return, still remembering her place in those formations, and her place in the group.

As they do the choreography for Hi~, Jisoo’s vision blurs. She’s usually a good dancer, but her steps go out of line, and her hands move with significant lag as compared to the rest of the members.

She shakes her head to force herself back into concentration, but it hardly helps.  _I can’t screw this up, what if I’m not worthy of re-debuting?_

 

Somewhere when the beat drops for the last chorus of the bridge, the world is spinning. Before Jisoo can register the pain from her extremely ungraceful fall, there’s a thud and then everything is black.

 

 

 

Mijoo is the first one that rushes over to her. Jiae is the first one to scream.

They kneel over Jisoo’s body, a tangled mess of sweaty limbs with worry. Yein suggests a prayer circle.

Meanwhile, Soojung races out of the practice room to find their manager. It’s a panic fest, along with a bonus Jiyeon slamming on mirrors and scolding herself for allowing her  _unnie_  to go through this nightmare of a job.

 

 

 

Jisoo only wakes up two days later.

Her head and body aches with pain and disuse, and it hits her that she’s so, so tired. It takes eons of strength to just open her eyes. The first person she sees is, not Jiyeon, not Sunggyu, and not even her manager.  There’s a sleeping boy on the chair near the curtain, his hand half-wrapped around his phone, his snapback low on his face. It’s at night, and the lighting is hardly great.

 

_What. What even happened. Wasn’t I fine like, yesterday?_

She turns over in the hospital bed and struggles to get up. Jisoo is stuck in a shared ward with mint-green curtains draped from the sides and some random guy sitting down that her blurry, wax-crusted eyes cannot make out as of yet.

Jisoo fumbles around on the small table next to her for her phone. It’s a developed natural instinct that homosapiens have embraced into the 21stcentury, anyway.

She doesn’t remember yesterday’s date, but the first thing that catches her attention is that it’s 2:40 am. The second thing is that she has 168 new messages and 124 missed calls, but it barely screams attention when it hits her that she’s late for work. Jisoo jolts upright in bed, scrambling to strip the covers and climb out of the too-high bed.

“I have to work, what the  _shit_ , I’m so late-”

The random guy stirs awake and jumps out of his seat as if James Bond had pressed the eject button.

“YOU’RE AWAKE!”

It’s Joshua. Some unseen nurse from the other end of the ward hisses “SHHH” really loudly.

 “Jisoo, you’re awake!” He says again, this time, more subdued. Jisoo’s eyes grows as wide as saucers.

“What am I doing here? What are  _you_  doing here? I’m late, please help me find my sneakers!” Jisoo whispers urgently as she tries to get out of the bed and untangle herself from the IV drip.

 

Joshua runs towards her and grabs her shoulders to stop herself from flailing around. “What are you doing? You literally just woke up after fainting for two days, and you want to go to work?  _Work?_ ”

He fixes the IV drip’s position back in place, and manages to carry Jisoo back to the cramped bed as she kicks around in protest.  “Do you  _know_  how worried everyone’s been? Your members are walking zombies and you want to work? You have to rest!”

“I fainted?”

“During dance practice, apparently. And you didn’t wake up for two goddamn days. I- Everyone was panicking,” Joshua says as he drapes the covers back up her body and then thumbs her fringe out her eyes. It’s horribly intimate, and Jisoo shouldn’t allow him to do  _this_. She wriggles in the blanket.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” He drags the chair to sit beside her bed. “You’re not Superman, you know.”

Joshua gets up again to get water for her, and Jisoo breaks the silence.

“So why did I faint? What did the report say?”

Joshua hands her the water, and she laps at the water greedily. Her throat has possibly the parched-ness level of the Saharan Desert.

“Prolonged exhaustion is the biggest cause of your body shutting down,” he explains, “but the reason why you didn’t wake up for that long, unlike normal cases of fainting from exhaustion, is because when you fell down, you hit the back of your head and had a minor concussion.”

“Wow.”

“Don’t you dare “wow” me. It could have been so much more serious! Don’t play around with head injuries, it’s not a joke!” Joshua exclaims and grabs her hand sternly.

“How did you get in here anyway?”

Joshua’s eyes shift uneasily. “It’s a long story…”

Jisoo struggles, but manages to sit up in bed. “And it’s past 2 am, aren’t standard visiting hours over?”

“SHHH stop stop Jisoo, I swear I’ll tell you later-”

“And what if your members, your company knows that you’re here? And oh my god, what if Dispatch-”

In a state of panic, Joshua covers her mouth with a palm as he looks around in alarm. Jisoo protests with muffled cries of “mmmuoRFmmmm!!” When Joshua doesn’t stop cupping her mouth, she resorts to desperate measures.

“OH my god, did you just? Lick? My? Hand?” Joshua exclaims in disgust and shock.

Jisoo sticks out her tongue. “You wouldn’t let go!”

“You wouldn’t stop asking questions!”

 

Joshua slumps his shoulders in defeat.

“If were to tell anyone my modus operandi for sneaking into this ward and convincing them to let me stay after hours, it would sound – I mean it  _is_  – highly unorthodox.”

Jisoo narrows her eyes but thankfully, doesn’t press further. “Okay, just one question then. How did you even know I was injured in the first place?”

“Kim Jiyeon,” Jisoo shurgs his shoulders nonchalantly.

“You guys  _know_  each other?”

“There’s a groupchat for idols in 95 line. I have my connections, you know,” he smirks.

 

 

“But does the rest of Seventeen know about you being here?”

“Yes and no. Minghao – you know, that Chinese guy who wanted my dumplings, and our leader Seungcheol, they know about it.”

Jisoo’s bed is on the far end of a shared basic ward, and she takes advantage of that as she sits staring at the moon and stars that peek outside her window.

Softly, almost inaudibly, she whispers into the clinical hospital air. “Do you think they’re angry at me?”

His hands find his way to hers as he frowns worriedly. “Stop thinking like that. They’re not angry, I’m not angry. And I  _know_ what you’re thinking, Jisoo,” he says and looks her right in the eyes. “ _You’re not a burden._ ”

 

She should really stop him from grabbing her hands at random moments. Her heart fills with something warm and familiar and she falls back into the pillows, eyes shut, and erratic heartbeat slowing down.

 

Jisoo doesn’t know what obliged Joshua to come, but it’s… it’s  _good_  that it happened.  No matter how unethical the method of infiltration. But at least, in the semi-darkness, she’s not thinking about how much money she’ll need for the bill, how much worry and disarray she’s caused- no. In this darkness, the thoughts clear away like tell-tale thunderstorm clouds, and although it’s not sunshine just yet, her worries don’t hound at her like it always has.

 

 

 

In voluntarily, she finds herself thumbing his wrist bone. Jisoo tells herself it’s for calming herself down. It’s comfortable. With her eyes shut, Joshua’s presence is still tangible, still lingering, still enveloping her with the constant reminder that  _someone_ , despite circumstances, is there for her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheesy!!!!!???!?!!?!?!? yes why yes


	4. fill my head with white noise (if it could drown you out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> joshua cosplays as jisoo's husband to infiltrate a local hospital more than once, and catches himself being a creep.

Jisoo stays in the hospital  for two more days to treat her minor concussion.

In those two days, the itch to practice, to work, is present. But the break from her routine is, while jarring, a pleasant kind of relief. Somehow she manages to sleep during the day in between check-ups and scans, but at night, she’s as awake as a nocturnal owl on the lookout for prey.

Joshua attributes this to her horrible job cycle. Joshua, as well as the rest of Lovelyz after they found out about it, bans Jisoo from working for at least a week.

_“And I don’t want to see you practicing till you’re dizzy before your night shift. Heck, for at least this week,” Jiyeon says with worry in her eyes and hands on her hips, “you gotta rest. We need our emo sunshine back.”_

_Jisoo sits with her back against a fort of pillows and her knees against her chest. “Tsk.” She can’t protests though, Jiyeon, Mijoo and Myungeun had a radio schedule just before this and here they are, taking time off to visit their “not-really but YES really” member._

_“Does your head still hurt?” Mijoo asks as she sets down energy drinks on the side table. The ward is a little cramped, but it’s a shared ward that she’ll be discharged from soon._

_“My neck bone is stiff and hurting, and I think I can’t stand sounds of babies crying. Other than that, I’m fine,” Jisoo smiles._

_“Babies crying?”_

_“I had to pass by the newborn centre level on the way for my x-ray diagnosis. It’s so damn piercing and it was sending shockwaves of agony to my brain. I swear I almost bled from the ears and broke down there and then.”_

_Myungeun frowns in sympathy and reaches from behind to get something clumsily large and familiar. “That sucks. But you can still stand the sound of a guitar, right?”_

_“You brought my guitar!! Ah, thanks, I was going to die of boredom here, you don’t even_ know.”

 

Jisoo had hugged the guitar tightly, sharing a moment with it before returning to talk to her members. She sits alone in the bed now, the clock displaying  “23:48” as she strums on the guitar, a notebook splayed out in front of her knees.

Boredom has somewhat forced her to do something productive, and here she finds herself doing the things she used to do before a nightjob ate up all of her time – songwriting.  Jisoo experiments with different chords to suit her slightly more uplifting lyrics that she had just written this afternoon.

Somehow, although she’s shouldering quite a bulk of physical pain, it doesn’t feel  _that_  very bleak. Her lyrics speak of someone always getting the short end to the stick, but finding beauty in contentment, in the people that seem to make life seem brighter, and lighter. At this, she can’t help but think of a specific cat-eyed boy that always manages to squeeze in time for her.

 

 

The silouhette of a male nurse sort of knocks on her curtain to signal his entrance, and Jisoo waves dismissively to tell him to come in.

He rolls in a pushcart with something black sticking out of it suspiciously from the bottom compartment. He hasn’t looked up yet, and somehow that uniform doesn’t sit well on the nurse’s figure.

Jisoo stares for a while, until curiosity eats at her. “Aren’t you going to change my IV drip packet?” she asks, not unkindly.

Mystery guy looks up suddenly, complete with hairflip and all. “SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!”

Jisoo reels back in shock as her mind registers the face of the “male nurse”.

Joshua’s eyes flits back and forth at her guitar in hand.  “You know, I wanted to serenade this sick, pitiful person with relaxing guitar tunes but I guessed you beat me to it.” He reaches for the black object and it turns out to be his own acoustic guitar.

“Is…. Is this what you mean by ‘highly unorthodox modus operandi’?”

“Sort of.” Joshua shrugs. “There’s part two though.”

Jisoo’s eyes widen and her voice rises in increasing pitch. “Part Two? What’s gonna happen?”

Joshua drags a chair nearer to the bed. “Uh, I’ll need to change my clothes?”

“The toilet’s quite far away though.”

“As in, i’ll need to do it here. “

Jisoo narrows her eyes. “You can’t be serious.”

“Ah, but I am. Visiting hours are going to be over in 5 minutes, and then this old nurse, who’s more of a disinterested patrol officer, will come to each bed to check if friends and colleagues are gone.”

“You’re a friend,” Jisoo says as she swats him away in his general direction. “You need to be gone.”

Joshua feigns a hurt expression. “We’re just friends? How could you-“

“Okay, okay, maybe not that low of a level. But uh…”

Joshua finishes her sentence for her to save Jisoo from the hesitation and awkwardness that it brings. “Totally platonic, right?”

“Right!” Jisoo quickly says, a little too loud, a little too excited and a lot more unconvincing.

“So if we’re platonic, if you don’t  _mind_ , I’m going to take off this borrowed uniform here, alright?” Joshua says, his hand already going down to the second button.

Jisoo panics and grabs the hem of his shirt. “hoE DON’T DO IT-”

Joshua takes it all off. He doesn’t have an undershirt. 

“-OH MY GOD.”

She tries her best not to look. Jisoo swears she does, but that one glimpse of pelvic muscle is bound to drive her insane. She buries her head into a pillow to cover the ugly shade of chilli red on her face.

“10 seconds! Just give me 10 more seconds, I need to change the horrid pants-”

“You’re changing the pants too?” She shrieks into the pillow, her cries becoming muffled. “I swear to god-”

“Don’t use God’s name in vain, sinner,” Joshua chuckles.

Jisoo produces a sound that ranges between a wail of agony and a Himalayan war-cry.

 

“I’m done, by the way.”

 

 

“Why… do you look like a 40 year-old dad.” Jisoo deadpans when she sees the cheap polo and slacks that Joshua’s wearing.

“I wore this the last time I visited, by the way. This concept is called,” Joshua says with a proud flourish, “My wife has terminal cancer and as a doting husband I’m staying with her overnight for emotional support’.”

“What.”

“I need to convince the patrol woman that I’m your husband, basically. Only then can I stay here overnight.”

“Do you think she’d believe you?”

“It’s what I did two nights ago. I’m counting on it.”

 Jisoo starts to scoff at his lofty confidence when there’s the sound of heels clicking deliberately against the floor.

“It’s her!” Joshua hisses. Jisoo panics and lies deathly still on the hospital bed.

The curtains draw open without invitation, and  _the_ nurse pokes her head in, with her hands on her hips.

“Visiting hours are over, sir.”

Joshua smiles sadly at the nurse. “My wife’s having a hard time here. I’ve already notified her doctor; I’m staying over tonight.”

The “patrol woman” stares at both of them, unfazed and unconvinced.

Without a moment’s notice, he wraps his arm around hers and  _drops a kiss on her forehead._  “We don’t know if the condition’s going to get better, but I’d better be there for her.”

Joshua’s tone is sickeningly sweet and it  _reeks_  of tryhard acting. Jisoo steels him with her most offended glare from her trapped position below him. Joshua almost cracks into laughter when he sees the constipated look on her face, but shifts his body so that it shield’s her face from the view of the nurse.

“Well, alright. But make sure that you sign out tomorrow morning, mister.”

 

And with that the nurse is gone. They both exhale at the same time, unaware that they had been holding their breaths the whole time.

 

The first thing Jisoo does is to shove him off viciously. “Hong Jisoo, w _hat the hell-_ ”

“Hush my child,” Joshua smirks, looking too damn pleased with himself, “you don’t want to stir the other patients with your banshee screams, do you?”

“You took away my forehead’s virginity, you asshat!”

Joshua just laughs. Jisoo doesn’t know what to do with this. She wants to scream and bite his head off - Hong Jisoo has trespassed out of the invisible boundaries of the  _friendzone! -_  but she will restrain herself for she is a Good Citizen.

“Stop laughing,” she pouts. Joshua throws his head back again to guffaw. Jisoo stares at how the veins in his neck pulsates prettily and at the way his arm has,  _yet again,_ found its way to hang around her shoulders. She can’t help but think that Joshua Hong Jisoo was probably sent from hell.

 

After Joshua sings an old emo song from The Script and finishes strumming the melody of Forever and Always by Parachute, Jisoo tries way too hard to hide the quickly growing smile on her face.

“Forever and Always, huh. You know, I may be stuck in this ward but I’m not dying and nobody needs to propose to me in a hospital before I die.”

Joshua sits cross-legged on her bed, an ombre-ish guitar resting on his lap. “Tsk, I was trying to set the mood.”

Jisoo chuckles as she shifts her aching body into a proper sitting position.

“You know, you still haven’t told me how you executed part one of your hospital infiltration plan. I’m still kind of worried you might get caught, you know.”

Eventually, he relents.

“So like, Minghao has this friend that’s a nurse working in this hospital. They made some kind of trade-off pact, and he agreed to let me cosplay in his uniform.”

Jisoo laughs when Joshua makes a face while saying “cosplay”. “And?”

“Basically, for this level in the hospital, unless you’re a assisting nurse or doctor, if you want to enter the ward after hours, you’ll have to fill out some really long ass form about how you’re a relative or you have official permission from  _whatever_  organisation. Which I obviously cannot risk. Besides,” he sighs, “since practice ends so late, I can only come at ungodly hours.”

“So, to enter this ward, I had to act as a nurse first. But to stay here, I had to act as an extremely close relative that’s already done the paperwork.“

“Woah.”

“Yep, see the lengths I go for you? Am I your ultimate homie or what?” Joshua says and gives her some kind of helpless half-smile.  He reaches out to ruffle her hair but his hand hangs hesitantly above her head.

“Does it still hurt?” Joshua asks with concern filling his soft features.

“Nah, just the back.”

Joshua settles for flicking her forehead.

“Dude! Stop abusing my forehead, I swear,” Jisoo wails, “At this rate, it’s going to become a pregnant minefield of pimples. And it’s all going to be you, and your stupid lips and hands’ fault.”

“Aww, it can’t be that bad!” Joshua teases.

“Tsk, makes me wonder how many girlfriends you’ve had in LA. You’re so  _greasy_.”

“Is uri Jisoo jealous? Omo~~~”

Jisoo replies with a death glare. Joshua shuts up.

 

 

Joshua’s playing the guitar again as he sits on the opposite end of the bed. It’s a groovy 80’s song, sung in English, but it’s got a nice kind of groove to it.

Unconsciously, Jisoo lifts her hands and raps her knuckles to the beat, adding slight claps and flicking against her guitar to re-innovate the mood of the song.

Joshua is more than impressed. “Where did you pick that up from?”

“Fidgeting with my fingers? Every drummer has some kind of ADHD I guess. We can’t keep our hands still.”

“Well, I think it’s a talent.”

“Huh. It’s not very useful, or special. I can’t play the guitar as naturally as you do, and neither can I sing to belt my heart out,” Jisoo says self-depreciatingly.

Joshua smiles at her like he doesn’t buy it. Jisoo says that she prefers dancing and writing lyrics. Finding ways to boost the backbone of the song, like composing bass lines she “can’t actually execute in real life” and twisting chord progressions to change up the mood.  Things that she’s picked up from wandering around production studios in snippets of free time.

“It’s not idol material though,” Jisoo explains. “There’s nothing flashy about it.”

Joshua looks at her meaningfully, a grin ghosting his lips and a new idea planted in his mind.

“You should sleep, Jisoo.”

A thought suddenly occurs to her. “Wait. Can you do a little something for me?”

Joshua motions for her to go on.

“I have this two-part guitar melody I wrote on a whim. Just for fun – can you play this part?” Jisoo says and points to a set of tabs on her notebook. “Sorry, I just keep writing stuff for things I can’t actually play well.”

Joshua doesn’t refuse. They play it together; stilted and raw, but they keep the volume low. Something in the chords reminds him of mid-70s jazz.

“So you have a flair for this, too.”

Jisoo just laughs it off.

 

 

 

He tucks her in, grinning. Jisoo feels like a little girl as he pulls the covers over her chest.

She pokes his cheek from below him. “Your face says that you’re aching to ask me something. Spill.”

“You know me too well,” Joshua angles his head closer and chuckles.

 

“It’s nothing big, really. Have you ever thought of busking?”

“Like, going to Hongdae and playing instruments? I can imagine  _you_  doing that, huh. Playing the guitar and singing in English to kill the fangirls.”

He raises his eyebrows in amusement.  _Come on, don’t act like you’re not aware that’s it’s painfully typical for girls to fall for cheesy, guitar-playing guys. I’ve read the comments under your old 17TV vids where you did exactly that,_ Jisoo thinks.

“Do  _you_  want to try though?” Joshua asks. “It’ll be fun.”

“People don’t want to see me. I bet they still hate me for something I didn’t do,” she says in a pained voice.

“You have indie potential though? In any case, we can do this together,” Joshua reassures.

She hates how pessimistic she sounds, but this is reality. “It’s… a nice idea. Plausible, but with probably a  _low_  success rate. I’m sure your fans will _love_  seeing me next to you,” she says, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“Well, don’t worry. It’s just an idea. It would be cool if we could, though,” Joshua says wistfully.

“Dude, you already have so much on your plate. Your group’s gearing up for another comeback right?”

“Yep. Also, an acoustic version of Adore U. I promised the fans we’d do it.”

“Good luck then,” Jisoo says and pats him on his back. “What you gonna do now? Escape through the window and fly back to your dorm?”

“Nah, I’ll stay till you sleep. Then I’ll use the normal exit since going out doesn’t require authentication.”

 

“Sigh, I expected more of you, Stealthman.”

“Tsk. Just go to sleep Jisoo.”

 

 

 

 

 

He knows it’s kind of creepy. But watching Jisoo in her sleep, to his surprise, isn’t boring at all. She turns over and makes some kind of squeak-slash-grunt noise, and his heart twists in ways he does not understand.

Jisoo lets out quiet snores between small puffs of breath, and Joshua registers it as something  _cute._

 

“Holy shit, am I creepy or what?” he whispers hopelessly to himself, before frantically leaving the ward to the sound of his own heartbeat thudding out of his chest. 

 


	5. and i'd rather go crazy; i'd rather go insane

Ever since Jisoo’s fainting extravaganza, her job as a night delivery girl had been put on hold.

Meanwhile, things are actually shaping up as the PD-nim gives Lovelyz the green light to promote with Jisoo. Which makes her insanely happy, and she goes into full out practicing mode.

Mijoo accidentally stumbles into the dance practice room to see a sweaty Jisoo practicing her part for Ah Choo on repeat.

“It’s one in the morning, Jisoo! Don’t overwork yourself. You just got the news, like, this morning!”

“But,” Jisoo says and twirls into a pirouette, “I feel like my life finally has a purpose!”

Mijoo finds herself having to physically drag an over-excited Jisoo back to the dorm. On the way back, the Mijoo tries to strike up a congratulatory conversation with her, but it doesn’t really work out well because the girl beside her has her eyes fixated to her phone, and her fingers typing furiously.

“Who are you texting?”

“A friend!

Mijoo smirks, but doesn’t say anything on the way back to the dorm.

 

 

The dorm is silent as Mijoo unlocks the door. It’s also pitch black, and highly suspicious.

“The members aren’t back yet?” Jisoo asks as she peers around in the darkness.

Suddenly, the obnoxious drop of the bass from some San Holo trap remix  resounds through the room, and instead of the usual plain ceiling lights, the members appear holding makeshift strobe lights and homemade party hats.

“HERE’S TO LOVELYZ8!” Sujeong hollers. Jiae runs into Jisoo from out of nowhere and strangles her with a hug.

Soojung is dragging her by the arm to a corner of the room, and there it stands, in all its glory, a six-pack of beer atop of the table.

“Is… are we going to drink?”

“With the exception of the maknaes though. Sujeong and Yein, please sit over there.”

Yein pouts and sulks her way to walk towards Sujeong. Jiyeon, with her infinite alcohol tolerance, is already downing half a can.

 

 

Later on in the night, Jisoo is intoxicated. She doesn’t want to believe she is – her vision is blurry and she’s already in a pile of limbs collapsed on the sofa, giggling as she clicks on the skype app on her phone. She wonders how she got this drunk from the supposed one can per person, but she doesn’t doubt that Mijoo and Jiae probably shoved her a can or two.

It doesn’t matter. Somehow, the phone says 2 am, (or is it 3?) and Joshua’s confused face with wet hair appears on the screen.

“It’s pretty late, what’s up?”

Jisoo can’t help but choke out in broken laughter. “heLLO GENTLEMAN!”

Joshua towels the back of his hair and peers at her slowly. Her hand is shaking and her face is probably out of focus.

“Are… are you drunk?”

“NO! What are you even talking about! I can see you!” Jisoo gasps in between guffaws, “I can smell you! You smell good! You look good! You should always have your hair down, whAT THE HELL.”

Across the room, Yein looks thoroughly weirded out. Sujeong has passed out on the other end of the couch.

Joshua looks uncertain and mouths his words slowly, and unsurely. “Yeah, I just showered? Where are you even?”

“IN PARADISE!”

Myungeun catches Jisoo looking like a village fool and immediately scoots towards her, demanding to see who she’s talking to. “WHO DAT WHO DAT?”

Jiyeon squeezes in between the two of them with an obnoxious grin gracing her delicate features. “THOUGHT YOU KNEW DAT, KNEW DAT!”

Soon, the whole of Lovelyz, sans Sujeong, have gathered in a prayer-circle-esque arrangement around Jisoo and her phone.

“Who are you with, are you safe? Did you take marijuana?” Joshua questions from where he is on the screen.

“HEY JOSH, SAY HI TO MY SQUAD!” Jisoo cries as she waves the phone haphazardly and pans it across all the members.

As the eldest, Soojung’s eyes widen significantly. “Jisoo, you have a boyfriend?”

“-NO!” Joshua protests violently from the phone, the audio muffled and forgotten. Jiyeon is close to laughing her lungs out.

“Hey by the way! We’re gonna cOMEBACK! And I’m involved!!! Are you happy???!? Because I am!” Jisoo yells into the phone.

“That’s great!” he replies, his face wary but his expression evidently ecstatic.

Jisoo’s tone takes a complete 180 degrees with her next sentence, and it shocks the shit out of the other members.

“Soooooo, Jo-shu-ahhhh, we haven’t hung out in a loooooong time…” Jisoo drawls, her voice dripping with drunken aegyo, “and I miss you!!!!!! we should go celebrate! I am FREE!”

Mijoo, slightly drunk but altogether extremely appalled, just gives Jisoo an unpleasant grunt.

Joshua’s cheeks has the traces of a telltale blush even under the shitty lighting of Seventeen’s dorm, and Jiyeon imitates his awkward, flattered laughter.

Myungeun and Jiae hover between the state of “am I drunk?!?” and “is this an acid trip??!?”, thus, they perform the perfect example of “ _monkey see, monkey do,”_  and try to copy Jiyeon’s exaggerated impression. They end up practically cackling.

Jisoo makes kissy faces at her phone. Yein looks scarred for life.

Soojung might be called Baby Soul, but she’s the goddamn eldest. And the least drunk, probably. But she was definitely not the one that had caused this catastrophe.

“WHO THE HELL PLANNED FOR LOVELYZ TO GET DRUNK? REVEAL YOURSELF!”

Jiyeon dashes to the bathroom at a speed faster than lightning and unknown to man, and locks the door. Soojung can only rub her temples and sigh.

 

 

 

Seungcheol sits across Joshua on the dining table. It’s one of those nights where neither of them can sleep. It also happens to be just after Joshua’s skype call with Jisoo ends.

“You’re whipped. So whipped,” Seungcheol declares.

“Nah I-”

“Don’t deny it. But here’s the thing, both of you are losing sleep because of the unholy hours you guys use to converse with one another, and you’re not exactly paying 100% attention during practice. I see you’ve written more songs, more material, and I appreciate it. Jihoon does, for sure.”

Joshua shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve just found a muse, I guess.”

“…..and we all know who that is. But anyway, you have to take care of yourself! Remember those times where we had to cover up your disappearances to the hospital? I want you to be happy, Joshua. I want that so bad, for all of you guys. So please try to sleep earlier, and while young love is great and all, our comeback is soon and we all need focus, alright?” Seungcheol says, and it’s at times at this that Joshua can understand why Seungcheol is the leader, and he’s grateful for it.

“Anyway,” Seungcheol smirks as he pats Joshua’s back and brings him back to the bedroom, “We have a free schedule this Tuesday. I mean, it’s just practice at until 11 am and then we’re on our own.  So if Mr Loverboy Hong wants to go on a date, I mean, it’s an open possibility.”

Joshua looks back, surprised. “Well…. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up with a terrifically banging headache, and a message from Joshua that she does not understand.

 

_From: Sparkly Idol Joshua – 03:34 AM_

_Day6 is a band under JYPE that hasn’t formally debuted, but are performing live around town. Do you know them? Do you like them?_

 

She does not know how this relates to  _anything_  at all. Even as the embarrassing memories flood back into her mind, Jisoo still is confused. It would be more plausible for him to rant about how she had bothered him last night, but instead she gets this cryptic secret code?

 

_To: Sparkly Idol Joshua – 07:21 AM_

_I like them. Saw them perform in July. It was crazy, haha. Why?_

 

The reply comes later during lunch, in the midst Jiyeon making fun of her drunk, uncivilised behaviour.

 

_From: Sparkly Idol Joshua –1:16 PM_

_They’re performing at a club in Hongdae on Tuesday night. Interested ???!?!?!?!?!!?_

 

Her fingers are shaking as she types a reply.

_To: Sparkly Idol Joshua –1:17 PM_

_im a fAN Y WOULD I SAY NO_

 

_From: Sparkly Idol Joshua – 1:17 PM_

_great! We gotta celebrate your re-penetration into the idol life!_

 

Jisoo is more than elated and she almost jumps up in excitement.  _We’re going to see DAY6??!!??! WHAT IS THIS ETHEREAL SORCERY???!?!_

_To: Sparkly Idol Joshua –  1:18 PM_

_aww thanks!_

_From: Sparkly Idol Joshua – 1:18 PM_

_nahh you practically demanded for it last night did you think I could disobey you_

 

 

 

Once again, Jisoo finds herself in a melting pot of mortification. 

 


	6. having you stalk my every thought (then having you here inside my heart)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> waRNING there's day6 in here HAHAHAHAHAH im trash pls feel free to not watch the videos and if you're on data im sorry ;;;;;

At exactly 8 pm, Joshua spots a hooded figure with a pastel pink cap, sipping peach tea and leaning against the walls of a bubble tea store.

“Wow, you look… _swaggy_.”

“Out of all the vocabulary in your Californian-educated language, _this_ is the word you choose? Really, Joshua?” The hooded figure chuckles, throwing her head back. He knows she’s laughing, even if her smile is hidden behind the face mask.

He and Jisoo had planned to meet at a bubble tea shop near the live club at 8, and Jisoo had been impeccable with the timing, even if she got off from practice at only 7pm.

“Don’t you feel stuffy though? Under all those layers of stealth clothing?” Joshua asks after he buys his own caffeine-infused beverage.

Jisoo sighs helplessly. “You want me to strip? I’ve got no much of an option.”

“What if I do?”

She slaps him on the back. Hard.

 

 

They’ve decided to eat dinner later in the form of late night supper, and go early to the performance venue first.

Since Day6 hasn’t actually debuted, there’s no heavy security measures taken, and because it’s an outdoor club performance, no payment is required. Which is great, because Jisoo is a little broke and is pretty much the biggest closet fangirl of the group.

It’s a nice kind of freedom that Jisoo and Joshua experience as they walk to the venue, legs swinging forward in time with their own united rhythm and feeling everything around them – the stalls, the buskers along the road, and even the tourists – like they’re discovering something new.

“How did you know about Day6 though?” Jisoo asks.

Joshua’s mask is already off his face, and Jisoo wants to scold him for it, but she can’t bring herself to.  (“ _it’s itchyyy,_ ” he had whined.)

“It’s sort of a long story. But basically, you know Jae from Day6 had a youtube channel back when he was in America?”

“Yeah?”

“So I was uh, a teenager in LA then, and I watched a lot of his videos. Then he went to KPOPSTAR, and during that time, I had also just found myself in Pledis Entertainment.”

Jisoo almost chokes on a pearl. “You followed him here?”

“No, no, it was just coincidence. But he posted on his IG that they’d be playing tonight,” Joshua grins. “And I figured it would be cool to see him for real.”

“God,” Jisoo buries her face in her hands. “You’re a fanboy, then?”

Joshua only drapes an arm around her shoulders and laughs.

 

 

For a band that hasn’t debuted yet, Day6 sure has a lot of fans.

They’re packed like sardines in the mosh pit of sorts, but the atmosphere is enough to get high on. Joshua’s pressed against Jisoo’s back as the next song comes on. It turns out to be a super pumped Locked Out Of Heaven cover followed by a rendition of Walk the Moon's Shut up and Dance, that has everyone jumping and has Jisoo cheering and howling like the next Mayan tribe leader.

“And you’re from a girl group? Are you serious?” Joshua shouts above the screaming audience.

"JUST...SHUT UP AND DANCE WITH ME!" she exclaims, deliberately saying it to the rhythm of the song's climax.

Jisoo turns back to grin, and _oh,_ he actually sees the entirety of her smile as her mask is off and in her left hand, that’s waving it in the air. “Maybe _this_ was the real reason why I wasn’t promoting with them,” she jokes.

A slow song comes on, and the intro is enough for Joshua to guess it. The guy on the piano belts the chorus of Stop and Stare by One Republic with unseen passion, and Jisoo nudges Joshua to look.

 

“That’s Junhyeok, that’s my bias! He plays the piano like Mozart if he were in a rock band.  Cute, right?” She whispers excitedly. 

He doesn’t know why he’s jealous. It’s petty, really.

Jae sings his part, and Joshua tells Jisoo that he’s his favourite member. She merely laughs. _Fine, you win, Seo Jisoo._

When Day6 performs You, the people around them get _super_ engrossed in the music. Jisoo keeps singing along; it feels great, and Day6 is great, _holy shit._

Things get a little awkward when the couple next to them, get kind of touchy. They’re making out in the middle of the crowd, taking advantage of the fact that everyone else is drowning in musical bliss.

“Ew,” Jisoo wrinkles her nose and tugs on Joshua’s checkered shirt to guide themselves away from the duo.

Joshua makes a disgusted face in response, humouring Jisoo for a moment and turning away to fan his cheeks. He hates himself for having such embarrassing, cheesy, criminal thoughts; but tucked away in a little corner of his mind, something tells him that he wouldn’t mind kissing _somebody_ in a concert like that. _God, I’m so gross._

He doesn’t say anything, of course. Joshua just holds Jisoo’s hand for the rest of the performance to make sure that they don’t lose each other in the crowd.

 

 

After the performance, Jisoo insists on being a responsible citizen and picks up all the litter from the near-emptied venue, to which Joshua rolls his eyes but helps out anyway.

Staying back to assist on music shows and performances have given him somewhat of experience in disconnecting and keeping amplifiers and wires. Joshua finds himself near the stage, in the process of lifting a particularly heavy amp, when someone’s helping hand is there, outstretched.

It’s definitely not Jisoo’s, heck, it’s a man’s hand.

“Thanks for the help!” Brian from Day6 says gratefully and takes the dangling wires draped over Joshua’s shoulder. One of his hands are still there, and Joshua wonder what he’s supposed to do.

He swears he hears Jisoo screeching, “JUST TAKE YOUR OPPA’S HAND, WILL YA?” from the other end of the concert venue.

“It’s… it’s alright!” Joshua exclaims in English, awkwardly shaking Brian’s hand before speed-walking to the Day6 van to hand over the equipment.  

“You know, I wanted to take over the amp you were carrying, man. But it’s okay, a handshake is fine. Fanservice right? We’re rookies, we gotta learn this stuff,” Brian mutters cheerfully. “You speak English?”

“Yeah.” Joshua makes sure to adjust his face mask, fitting it snugly on his face and only leaving a space for his eyes.

They’re reaching the Day6 van, and Jae is leaning against the vehicle, laughing with Junhyeok.

“Heyy! Thanks for helping, how was the performance?” Jae says once he spots Joshua with Brian.

Maybe it’s the presence of so many English speakers around, or maybe it’s just that he’s feeling so _awkward_ and _jittery_ without Jisoo around, but he starts rattling off in English about how great they were, complete with his whole Californian accent he had grown up with in LA.

Jisoo is apparently done with her rubbish-picking advent, but Joshua doesn’t notice her presence until she’s behind him, tugging on his shirt sleeve.

“Oh,” Wonpil smiles, “Is she your girlfriend?”

“NO!”

Their responses of declination are identical and immediate, and they quickly survey the area to check for suspicious beings in the vicinity.

“Haha, we gotta go back now! Please keep supporting Day6 until and after we debut, hope we’ll see you guys again!”

 

Once the van disappears out of Joshua’s peripheral vision, he rips off the mask, takes Jisoo’s hand, and runs.

“WHY…. ARE WE… RUNNING?” Jisoo pants as Joshua drags her along.

“Because I’m STARVING! And we haven’t had dinner yet!” He smiles back and runs even faster.

 

 

They have Korean steamboat in a small, dark restaurant. The lighting is horrible but the food is heavenly, and _oh my, it’s already eleven?_

Jisoo sits upright and gulps down the rest of her soup. “Joshua, there’s a patbingsu place I wanna show you, but it closes at midnight and the last order is at eleven-thirty. You game?”

“GAME.”

They quickly eat up their combo set meal and leave the restaurant with happy stomachs and happy hearts  - not only because their meal was less than 7,000 won combined.

 

 

The mango bingsu is nothing short of flavour-bursting delight, and Joshua’s face possibly indicates that he’s in the seventh stage of Heaven.

“I told you it would be good!” Jisoo smiles.

He holds up the spoon, _inches_ away from her lips. “EAT IT.”

“It’s alright you go enjoy it-“

It’s directly pressing against the entrance of her lips now.

“Just eat it, oh my god. You don’t see Joshua Hong feeding people every day. Enjoy this rare sight while you can.”

Jisoo relents. She doesn’t regret feeling the bingsu melt on the tip of her tongue, and neither does she mind having his saliva in her mouth. _…oh come on, it’s no big deal, Seo Jisoo._

She opens her mouth wide. “Kindly deposit more into this hole, thank you.”

Joshua makes a big show of piling on a big scoop of patbingsu and bringing it to her mouth, only to take it away and put it in his own. He laughs when he sees her scowling.

“You little shit.”

“I love you too!”

 

 

 

At 12:30 am, they board the public bus back to the dorms.

“Hey, what would you call today’s escapade?” Jisoo asks Joshua when he hands her an earbud to listen.

“It’s up to you, honestly.”

_If it were up to me, I would call it a goddamn date._

“But you’re happy right? I’m happy. Even though we spent less than 15,000 won altogether .”

“That’s the good part though. Cheap is good.”

 

“It’s the experience that’s priceless, you know,“ Joshua smiles.

“Yeah, I know I’m flawless, what’s new?”  Jisoo jokes, and from that half-smile on her face, Joshua knows she doesn’t believe in her last sentence – not one bit.

He only ruffles her hair and fixes her cap, too afraid to respond; in fear that he’d say something stupid like _of course you’re perfect, seo jisoo._ All he wants to do is make her feel loved, sometimes.

 

The beat of an EDM song fills the earbuds, and Jisoo turns to Joshua incredulously.

“Is this… dubstep? Since _when_ did you listen to EDM? I thought you were all about the acoustic life and stuff.”

“Well… you said you liked it, so yeah. I checked it out?”

“Well, I’m honoured to have influenced your virgin experience into the EDM life!” Jisoo exclaims, patting him on the back excitedly. “So there’s so many genres, and people only know about Dubstep, Trap, and maybe Electro, but there’s so much more! My personal favourites are Hardstyle, Nu Disco and Drum and Bass, and then if you ever need to listen to anything uplifting, Future Bass is the way t go! …”

Jisoo goes on for the next five minutes, switching between modern _swag_ lingo and ABRSM standard musical terms to describe the various aspects of Electronic Dance Music and how “ _it’s sorely underrated and oh my god the songs just make you_ feel _things! It can be as powerful as any lyrical ballad, honestly!”_

Joshua has to admit – he doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but seeing Jisoo animated like crazy is all he ever needs.

When she finally tires out, her head slumps forward when her eyes flutter shut. The bus goes over a series of harsh speedbumps that causes her head to jerk up and down, and Joshua is scared for her safety, _obviously_ , which happens to be the _sole reason_ why he brings her head atop his shoulder and strokes her hair for the rest of the journey.

 

 

 

_(when jisoo wakes up before alighting, she’s in a daze._

_“how did I end up like this?”_

_“your head looked, uh like it was going to snap off during the ride. You would’ve gotten bus sick!”_

_“josh, I never get bus sick. I’ve been taking the bus my whole life.”_

_he’s silent when he smiles to himself.)_


	7. hold out your hand (color me like that red sunset)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jisoo thinks, as she scrolls through anti-forums and pressing back the influx of tears, that this isn't self-harm. She's just; she's just educated herself. Joshua begs to differ.
> 
> u kno I started this fic when lovelyz just came back so... lmao if the dates/order of events are weird I APOLOGIZE also I made a twitter? https://twitter.com/loveteen_texts

When Lovelyz releases a set of group teaser photos, there is no calm before the storm. The derogatory comments clearly meant for Jisoo rush in and does a stellar job of making themselves prominent. There are some people that simply express that they can’t stand their cutesy concepts, and those being _actually_ supportive of anything are the minority. Public doubt and denouncement towards her debut, however, is the only thing Jisoo sees on Pann forums and it’s like a horror storybook that she can’t put down.

 

“Stop going through the anti-forums, for God’s sake!” Jiyeon rushes over and reprimands, snatching the phone and killing the app.

When Jiyeon leaves the practice room, Jisoo flings herself across the floor and tries to suppress an angsty bawl. _What if I screw up? Or have I already screwed up, by doing absolutely nothing?_

From the other end of the room, there’s a sudden cry of “and hiS NAME IS JOHN CENA! DOODOODOODOO-”. Jisoo remains on the floor, her eyes still clumped closed with teardrops and her mind muddled with stress and self-pity. _I don’t care if you’re John Cena, I’m just John Sinner-_ she thinks helplessly, until Jisoo realizes belatedly that _oh, it’s my own phone ringtone._

 She scrambles to the phone desperately. “Hello?”

“Are you okay? Why are you hyperventilating, it’s me, it’s Joshua!”

“No I just- I’m so stressed and I,” Jisoo wails, “I just feel like I’ll die of premature death before the comeback? I don’t know-”

“Are you free now?”

“Why?”

“I’m just asking,” Joshua persists, “It’s 8pm.”

“Surprisingly, I’m free. Until midnight, then we have a group meeting with the manager.”

“Great. Grab your stealth gear, and meet me at where we went to see Day6 perform.”

“WHY?”

Joshua doesn’t bother to explain. “See you in 20 minutes!”  
 

 

 

When Jisoo arrives, she can’t see Joshua. She can, however, spot a small crowd around a nearby bench.

There’s a very familiar voice singing Breakeven by The Script.

“What,” Jisoo says from the back of the crowd, “Are you doing.”

Joshua’s wearing sunglasses and a snapback, and he stops crooning the next line of the second verse. Soundlessly, excitedly, he pats the empty space next to him. The crowd parts before Jisoo like the Red Sea would, and awkwardly, she makes her way towards him.

The guitar case on the ground in front of them is littered with loose change and two-dollar bills – _people would pay for this?_

Joshua just resumes singing, and she has to admit that it’s good, but nothing she hasn’t seen before. People sway in time to the music, and Jisoo sits, glued to her seat as she helplessly feels gaze of strangers on the both of them. Yes, yes, it’s awkward, especially when Joshua’s busking next to her, their thighs touching and his eyes sometimes travelling to hers, but she’s not doing anything. At all.

When the song ends, some people walk away to continue strolling the perimeters of Hongdae.

“Honestly, what did you call me for?”

“To serenade you, what did you think?” Joshua smirks.

“You’re not serious.”

Joshua slings an arm around her neck and shoves a “peace” symbol in her face with over-exaggerated swag. “Of course not, is that what you thought? It’s to destress, my princess.”

Jisoo sighs into her hands. “Now you’re Rap Master 2.0?”

The people around them actually laugh – _this is funny? Seriously?_

“It’s your turn,” Joshua says, trying out a higher key on his guitar. “Sing something.”

“I came here to rant!” Jisoo cries, equal parts embarrassed and exasperated.

“This is spontaneity! This is practice!”

“Fine.”

She’s been training to prepare for singing, in front of thousands of people, while dancing to embarrassingly cutesy songs, with carefully controlled breath support and intricate dance steps. This, honestly, shouldn’t be much of a problem.

So she does. It’s a little shaky, from the nervousness that builds up and goes back to a collective calm. People are staring at her, nearer to her being than a one-metre radius, and Joshua’s just smiling at her, happily content.

He joins in to harmonize later, and it sounds perfect, yet cheesy all the same. She shouldn’t have chosen IU’s Friday, you know?

Jisoo doesn’t know what she’s doing here, out on the streets, but she’s with somebody that’s all she’ll ever need for a home.

 

 

“Hey,” Joshua later whispers into the phone, “busking wasn’t so bad huh?”

Jisoo’s tucked under her blanket, damp hair flung to the back. It’s past midnight and everyone else is asleep.

“I guess. Didn’t say I was going to commit to it though.”

“But it’ll be fun! And we’ll earn money. We wouldn’t need to wait till our contracts end to get our share of measly idol salary, you know?”

“You have the guitar case right? well, this is just a litmus test, but bro how much did you even get from that gig?”

 

There’s a shuffle, and then the clinking of coins.

 

“Actually, 56, 700 won. It’s not bad,” Joshua says after a while.

“Are you serious?” Jisoo sits up in bed.

“Yeah but. Jisoo. Are you alright?”

“Alright as in…” she trails off. She’s not alright in many ways, and the worries hound at her from the back of her mind.

“I’ve seen the netizen comments. You know it’s all bullcrap and hype, right?”

“That’s what I try to believe,” and she even tries to laugh.

“Well keep trying. You and I know you’re freaking awesome.”

Jisoo laughs it off. She always does.

“Before you sleep, can you promise me something?” Joshua says, his tone suddenly serious.

“What?”

“Don’t check the forums. Just sleep.”

“What if I break that promise?”

“I’ll sing you to sleep, until I hear you snore.”

“God, you’re persistent, aren’t you?”

“Glad you know me well.”  
 

 

 

 

 

Jisoo, in the middle of slurred speech and quiet laughter, drifts into silence. _Typical._

Seventy-four seconds later, he hears soft rumbling from the other end of the phone. _Nice, she’s asleep. I think i’m talented._

Just before he disconnects, he has the cliché, overwhelming urge to tell her that he loves her.

It’s stupid. He can’t tell her that, not just yet.  He settles for a “Sleep tight,” and giggles when he’s met with a snore for a response.

There’s this feeling that emerges inside of him, slowly, but surely. It’s aside from the fast-paced infatuation, it’s aside from awe,  it’s something more mellow.

It’s a simple twinge of content, that washes over him in calm, assuring waves.

**Author's Note:**

> so like the "twist of f8" thing is supposed to be a pun on Minghao's stage name (the8)


End file.
